Fitzy & Wippa’s “Cougars” – A parody of Blurred Lines.

 

Yes, as promised here is another parody from Fitzy and Wippa of Nova FM.  If you thought Blurred lines was bad…………lol!

Every cougar get up
Every cougar get up
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Raaaw, raaaw, raaaw

Well they’re a rare breed of a certain lady
Well they’re a bit loud and a little shady
And they’ll be drinking Cosmos, they’ll end up totally blind
They’ll constantly pinch your behind

She wants to live her life without expectations
She’s been married once, now its co-habitation
She will destroy her liver
Hey, hey, hey
She’ll carve you up on Twitter
Hey, hey, hey
She laughs like Joan Rivers
And that is why we love our cougars
I know you want it
I know you’ve got it
Give me my wallet

 


You’re a cougar
You’re full of plastic
Your boobs elastic
That bra’s fantastic
You give off strong signs
I know you want it
You want you got it
Just please don’t vomit
And you’re a cougar
You praying Mantis
‘Cause once you have this
You’ll rip my head off (they’ll do that)
I have to ask the question
Have you got a skirt on?
Here’s an observation
You’re the oldest chick in this place
But are you married?
So where’s your hubby
Hey, hey, hey
What rhymes with adultery?

 


Hey, hey, hey
They don’t give a stuff, the queens of indiscretion
So much botox, they have no face expressions
You smile you’ll be persuaded
Hey, hey, hey
Say no you’ll be sedated
Hey, hey, hey
You’ll wake up procreating
Hey, hey, hey
And that is why we love our cougars
I know you want it
But you are older
Than Hayley’s Comet
You’re a cougar
Most make up I’ve seen
Looks like a figurine
Maybe it’s Maybelline
You give off strong signs
You signal text me
And you’re suggesting
You’ll bring your bestie
And you’re a cougar
The way you grab me
You think it’s flattering
It’s quite harassing (she’s all over you)

 

One thing that I ask of you
Any chance that I can see your tramp stamp tattoo
From Malibu’s to Blue Lagoons
You’re party rocking like the old Redfoo
Heads up, don’t misconstrue
But your boobs are falling out and they’re in full view
You tell me stories that are bearable
But the lipstick on your teeth is terrible
I pull you up and I ask you why
That picture of your son always make you cry?
You fall on the dance floor, you’re heading south
More extensions in your hair than James Packer’s house
You’re watchin’
You’re waitin’
It’s just sad you’re salivating
And that look tonight that you’re parading
Unfortunately went out with roller blading

Drop your drink, fall down, now get up,
Now adjust your skirt, unbutton your shirt
You’re a classy bird

 

 

ELO – All over the World

 

A song to get you up and dancing!  ELO’s “All over the World” with a clip that celebrates flash mobs.

 

Everybody all around the world, gotta tell you what I just heard
There’s gonna be a party all over the world

I got a message on the radio, but where it came from I don’t really know
And I heard these voices calling all over the world

 

[Chorus:]
All over the world, everybody got the word
Everybody everywhere is gonna feel tonight

Everybody walkin’ down the street, everybody movin’ to the beat
They’re gonna get hot down in the U.S.A. (New York, Detroit, L.A.)

We’re gonna take a trip across the sea, everybody come along with me
We’re gonna hit the night down in gay Pareee

 

[chorus]

All over the world, everybody got the word
Everybody everywhere is gonna feel tonight

[Instrumental break]

London, Hamburg, Paris, Rome, Rio, Hong Kong, Tokyo
L.A., New York, Amsterdam, Monte Carlo, Shard End and

 

[chorus]

All over the world, everybody got the word
Everybody everywhere is gonna feel tonight

Everybody all around the world, gotta tell you what I just heard
Everybody walkin’ down the street, I know a place where we all can meet
Everybody gonna have a good time, everybody will shine till the daylight

 

[chorus]

All over the world, everybody got the word [repeats 3x]

Science fiction – SS.

Scene setting : Hell’s Kitchen, the Lab.

co-written with Temp & Moo.

 

Temp:  Roxanne placed the severed limbs of bodies in bins which were labeled, keeping track of how many she placed. She didn’t want to reach for an arm and pull out a thigh which was the reasoning behind keeping limbs organized. Her mind and body were both so consumed in dancing and dismembering that she didn’t notice the Doctors violent outburst. In fact, she was completely tuned out from the world around her, only hearing the music and only seeing the corpses. As soon as the song ended she snapped out of it, now taking the Doctors words in. She was glad he liked the song that she had chosen, and looked over at him, offering a satisfied smile. “It makes me feel all giddy and alive! Plus, I seem to cut up bodies really well while listening to it!” There was a rather large amount of limbs in the different labeled bins already. She had worked really quickly and efficiently during the duration of that song. It took a moment to register just how messy the Doctors work station was, which wasn’t exactly unusual, but it seemed…different somehow. Instead of giving it any sort of deep thought, she looked away and started to get back to work. These limbs weren’t going to cut themselves!

 

Razorbackwriter:  Thankfully, Roxanne took no real notice of the Doctor’s violent attack on the head of the orc. Just as well, for he really didn’t want to go into the reason why. The past…was the past. Igor took out a small dust pan and brush, and came up alongside the doctor and started to sweep up the small shattered parts of the Orc’s skull, every now and then glancing up and giving a sympathetic nod. He knew….oh yes, he knew.

It was surprising just how many body parts they had in the chop shop and with Roxanne’s efficiency they were processing and putting the body bits, limbs and innards into the right piles for catalogue. One might ask, what was the point in all this? Surely orcs and dark elves were not going to walk in the door and ask for a replacement arm….or leg. The truth of the matter however was far more interesting.

The Doctor had for the longest time been thinking of how to utilize the dead bodies for something far more lucrative, than just being a spare parts shop. Long lonely nights in his tower, he had ideas. Grand visions of what would be the perfect product to sell to the Princes of Hell. What did every Kingdom need…and had trouble obtaining after a war such as the one at Wrath?

A new army. Scientifically enhanced, and made from the body parts of the fallen. Yes, the dead rising again….and again to serve their Masters. Question was, had the Doctor started on what would be the Ultimate fighting machine? If one was to look at the large sheet covered creature in the main part of the Hospital to see that his greatest experiment may soon come to life. All he needed was a bolt of lightning…..and a good brain.

Turning to his dancing assistant, Roxanne, the Doctor asked;

“Any….royals or…dead knights in amongst that lot?”

~RB~

 

Temp:  Roxanne looked over at the doctor upon hearing him speak. “Royalty or Knights? I’ll look through the pile!” She skipped over to where the bodies were being kept, and began to rummage through them. There were all sorts of ways to determine whether or not a body belonged to someone of importance, it was just a matter of knowing where to look. While looking through the bodies she searched for brands as well as insignias, which would be the most reliable way to determine importance. Eventually she found a rather powerful looking demon, of course…he was now dead. Regardless, he had a branding and Insignia behind his ears that belonged to Greed. From what she could gather, this was one of the royal guard. “How bout’ a royal guard? In good condition might I add!” She shouted as she stood up and out of the pile of corpses, holding the body of the royal guard in the air above her.

 

Razorbackwriter:  “How bout’ a royal guard? In good condition might I add!”

Roxanne was quick to find a suitable candidate for the Doctor’s latest experiment, as she hoisted the body of a royal guard high above her head whilst standing upon the pile of other bodies. Though bloody, it was clear this was one of Wrath’s own guards, and Wilhelm could not help but smirk.

“Perfect! Good strong bloodline. They are picky about their guards. Bring him down, Roxanne.” The Doctor ordered, as he waved his hand for Igor to follow. Igor dropped off the last body onto the sorting table, and then ambled after his Master, every so often, he would shoot a disdainful look back at Roxanne. He just found her to be too bouncy for the Lab, which he believed should be a much more serious kind of place. As he shuffled along, Igor asked; “Why a royal guard and not some other stiff, Master?” He was curious as to the Doctor’s reasoning.

Doctor Wilhelm shrugged his shoulders lightly, and said in reply. “Because, I need the brain of one that is well trained in the arts of battle, quick off the mark. Dependable.”

“Yes…but this one is dead, He can’t of been very good now can he?” The humpback had a point, but this was when the Doctor explained about the war. “You are always going to have victims on both sides of such a conflict. Maybe he died defending the Princess….who knows? Now, let’s get to work.”

Reaching the shrouded body which was his latest experiment, he ripped the sheet back, to reveal a giant of a man. So large that one had to wonder just what he was. He barely fit on the table. The face was covered in scars and his eyes stared out blindly at the room. There was no heart beat. He…like most other things…was dead. The Doctor stroked the giant’s face gently, like a father to a son.

“Isn’t he a beauty?”

“Err…you’re kidding right?” the hunchback said, trying not to throw up in his mouth.

~RB~

 

Temp:  
Roxanne wasted no time, and immediately followed the Doctors orders. She hopped out of the pile of bodies and skipped along with the body, following Wilhelm and Igor. The looks she was often given by Igor didn’t quite compute with her, almost as if she couldn’t see them. Perhaps it was just because she didn’t really care about what others thought about her. Regardless, she placed the body of the guard onto a table near the shrouded body. She hadn’t quite gotten a good look at this experiment, but was excited nonetheless. Once the sheet was removed she gave the creature a good look, almost like she was entranced. “Ohhhh myyyy…he looks amazing Doc!” She simply couldn’t help herself, and started bouncing around the table, examining the creature thoroughly. It was not yet alive, but she had a feeling that would soon change. The Doctor really was a genius.

 

Razorbackwriter:  “He is, isn’t he?” The Doctor enthused, still stroking the giant’s cheek slowly. Caressing it even. Igor couldn’t see the attraction. Roxanne’s enthusiasm was always welcomed, since Igor was not as jovial in spirit. Getting the two bodies ready, the Doctor snapped on his rubber gloves and then headed for a large trolley – where he flipped back the blue sheet to uncover a bevy of knives, scalpels, hammers and other surgical tools to be used in the delicate operation. In the background, many of the electrical support system switches were being turned on by Igor and the machines buzzed shrilly in the foreground.

The Doctor passed his ipod docking station and pressed play to his favorite song.

The slab filled with music as the Doctor nudged Roxanne to get with the program. “Be ready to catch the brains, and then we do the switch.” He ordered, as he started to make an incision into the head of the royal guard of Wrath. Slicing all the way around, he then took out an electric saw, and started to cut the skull open to make a perfect entrance point to harvest the guard’s brain. His foot tapped along in time to the music, while igor kept a good eye…his only good eye on the machines, and the weather forecast. You see, the Doctor needed a thunderstorm in order to finish the experiment. Lightning being the key ingredient. Scooping out the royal guard’s brain, he then passed it to his busty Nurse, Roxanne and mouthed.

“Keep it safe, Roxy!”

Moving to the giant, it was good to see, he had already made incisions and all he had to do was snap off the top of the giant’s skull. A large scooper and he took out the giant’s brain, which he tossed into the nearest garbage can. In his mind, he didn’t think it would ever be needed, not even in an orc.

Pulling up a small swivel chair, and flicking down his headband flashlight, he gestured for Roxanne to place the brain inside the empty skull of the giant, so that he could do the micro surgery needed to rewire the brain to the giant’s head. It would be painstaking, and delicate – but the Doctor was a perfectionist and he was certain that this new breed of super soldier would be a hit with the Princes of hell.

 

~RB~

Temp:  Roxanne was eager to get started on this little experiment, and was rather curious as to what the Doctor had in mind. She watched him, completely in awe, as he began to get to work. She was ready for anything at this point. There wasn’t much that she could do at the moment, until of course she was ordered to catch some brains. Her body bounced back and forth as she held out her hands as if she was ready to catch a football. Of course, it wasn’t actually thrown at her. The brain was taken into her hands once it was passed to her, and she held it in anticipation. The brain was placed into the skull of the giant creature upon being given the order. There was no way she was going to miss out on this, and so she sat herself down on a nearby chair. Her gaze would not leave the Doctor and the Giant, as is she was completely entranced by it.

 

Razorbackwriter:  Transfixed by his work, the Doctor continued on. Painstakingly putting back together the nerve ends that would attach the new brain to the dead tissue of the giant before him. Roxanne was a treasure in the way she kept in close, but not to close to bump or knock the Doctor as he worked. Those breasts did have a habit of being bouncy at the wrong times, and knocking over everything from test tubes to Igor if his hump got in the way. The operation would continue on for a few hours more. Perfection could not be rushed, and the Doctor was….a perfectionist when it came to his work. This giant was the prototype of what would be many. His dreams to create a super army was so tantalizingly close, he could almost taste it.

Finally, the Doctor sat back and then reached for the staple gun, as he place the skull fragment back over the spot where he had put the new brain in. The constant ~whack whack whack~ sound of the metal staple being fired into the giant’s skull would echo through the room, till at last the Doctor set down the staple gun and then ripped off his mask.

“Now….Igor. Go up to the north tower and…..fly a kite.”

Igor looked at the doctor strangely, as he thought this was a bad time to be taking recreational leave to…fly a kite.

“Why Master?”

The Doctor turned around and got up off his stool, to walk to one of the other benches, where there was a kite and a key tied to the end of it. He handed it to Igor and patted his hump. “You are going to catch me some lightning.” the Doctor said with a quirky smirk. Igor gasped at the thought. “But I’ll get zapped.” He was not liking this part of the operation at all.

“Just a little bit. Now go!….NOW!”

“Yes….Master.” Igor said wearily, as he trudged off to the tower, his face saddened by the fact the Doctor wanted him to be the lightning catcher.

With him gone, the Doctor tore off his gloves and then cupped Roxanne’s face.

“In just a few hours….we…will have made history.”

~RB~

 

“Are you lost?” – SS

 

Scene setting – Greed Castle.

co-written with Dessy, Moo & Temp.

 

Temp:  Nami was just about to start pulling up the Chalice, but completely froze when she heard voices nearby. She had no idea who the voices belonged to, but they definitely weren’t friendly. One thing that really didn’t make sense was a woman talking about the Throne, claiming it as her own. Last she checked Mammon was the ruler of this Kingdom, and he was no woman. Whoever this woman was seemed frustrated with the cat, who turned out to be anything but ordinary…her instincts had probably saved her. Now she was in quite a pickle. There were multiple people in the room and she had a hook on the chalice. There was a temptation to pull it up, snatch it, and poof out of the room…but would that even work? With the cat now shaken up and the woman seemingly distracted, she let go of the ceiling and dropped down onto the ground behind the throne. Her little body made no sound upon hitting the ground. Nami decided to do something rather bold and quickly snatched the chalice. She was heavily relying on the fact that everyone seemed distracted, and hoped nobody would notice it float away or even notice it was missing.

 

Dessy:  Mariela shook her head when Lydia asked if she’s never been, seeming a bit shocked. “Horses? That seems like it could be fun.” she said, giving a nod of her head. “I don’t think I would be betting anything though.” she said, pursing her lips and giving a shrug. Once they passed the throne room, Lydia started screaming at Scar. Mariela flinched and simply stayed back, watching Lydia shake Scar violently and throw him. Lydia wasn’t one to make angry – that was for a fact. It was definitely better to stay on her good side, which Mariela was positive to do.

Mariela had turned her head just in time to see the chalice all of a sudden disappear. She gave a tilt of her head, before looking back over at Lydia. “Lydia..” she said simply, and once Lydia turned to look, she simply pointed at the spot where the chalice used to be standing. “I looked over just in time to see it disappear.” she said, putting her hand back down to her side.

 

Razorbackwriter:  “Lydia..” Mariela was trying to get the Princess’s reaction when she had spotted the jeweled chalice floating off all by itself. An odd thing to happen, right after Lydia had been giving Scar a good tongue lashing. Lydia glanced back at Mariela, who then said.“I looked over just in time to see it disappear.” This had the Princess confused.

“See what dissapear?” Her automatic response, until she turned to look too and saw the jeweled chalice of Mammon floating off into the background. Scar had been straightening his hat, and Lydia knew that it was not the Alp that was doing it – he was as plain as day. With her eyes narrowing she circled the throne and started to follow the floating chalice.

“Now I’ve heard of souvenir hunters after someone famous dies….but to do it right in front of me like that.” Lydia said to the floating chalice. Another couple of paces and Lydia snarled “Drop it. It’s not worth your life when I catch you.”

Scar peeked around the throne and raised a brow, before quickly changing back to his human like form. He actually found the floating chalice to be comical. “Mammon came back for a quick drink before going into purgatory?” This was a fanciful notion. Lydia simply rolled her eyes, at the idea of Mammon’s ghost coming to collect a cup.

“No…it’s someone being very sneaky.” Lydia said, as she started to whisper an enchantment to summon her mist grabby hands. “Two can play at this game.”

~RB~

 

Temp:  Nami wasn’t sure if anyone had seen the chalice float away, until she heard someone point it out of course. “Shit..” She mumbled as she held the chalice tightly against her. This situation had taken a turn for the worst. There were still all sorts of things she could do to try and get out of this, but was it worth it? The more trouble she got herself into the worse the punishment. Then again, she was pretty sure they would just execute her right then and there. With a deep sigh she walked out from behind the throne, placing the Chalice on the table near it. Nami’s invisibility then faded away, making her tiny form visible to the people in the room. There wasn’t anything that she could say to get her out of this, so she would wait to hear what they had to say. If things got ugly she would call for Serin and Oroan.

 

Dessy:  The person had to have been stupid to try and take the chalice in front of Lydia. Maybe if they weren’t in the room, the person could have gotten away with it. Mariela walked behind Lydia, but stayed a few steps back as Lydia looked behind the throne. “Quite reckless, if you ask me.” Mariela spoke. “Not very sneaky. They could have at least waited until we left the room.” she spoke with a shrug. She watched a small body then appear, and Mariela gave a tilt of her head and narrowed her eyes. She was so young and innocent looking. Surely, she couldn’t be a thief… could she? “Who are you?” Mariela asked, more out of curiosity, not anger.

 

Razorbackwriter:  When Lydia’s feathers get ruffled, and she makes an order, it is usually a good idea to comply. Though by her appearance she seems to be gentle and loving, but if you had just witnessed her handling of Scar, you knew that there was a dark side to the Princess of Greed. The green mist hands had already begun to arise from the ground and make their way towards where the chalice was levitating in the air. Lydia was gritting her teeth, and you could see she was about to go “postal”, but like was on the bandit’s side as Mariela happened to speak her mind.

“Quite reckless, if you ask me.” Mariela spoke. “Not very sneaky. They could have at least waited until we left the room.”

“You’d think so, wouldn’t you. I mean Scar was right here and yet the little bugger tried it on anyways.”

The chalice was put back by a small female that started to show her form. All those around were much larger, except for Scar who was more the thief’s size. Scar made an awe sound and then went to pat the creature’s head for putting the chalice back.

“It’s a little…thing. Must like shiny things.” Scar added, like this little creature was someone’s pet. “Are you lost?” Scar asked, to which Lydia rolled her eyes. “If that creature is lost, I’m Lady Gaga.”

“Who are you?” Mariela asked.

Lydia folded her arms, waiting for what the creature had to say.

~RB~

You can run, but you can’t hide – SS

 

 

Scene setting :  Dark alley in Hell.

co-written with Artie.

 Intro of Raul 

https://i0.wp.com/i30.photobucket.com/albums/c340/LIZZ45069/WolfRunning_zps9c38ca94.gif 

 

Artie:  “And… fuck you, very much!” The words rolled off of Bandit’s slurred tongue, her lips pursing after a moment. Oh, she was drunk. Beyond so, by the quarter-full bottle of vodka that she held in her right hand. Not as though she was too concerned – she’d long since stopped drinking and her face was covered from below her eyes by a bandanna.. This was the Bandit, her persona.. her thieving.

None paid her mind, as they all knew Bandit and her ways. She was a hell of a thief. The girl would soon come to a stop next to a wall, pressing her back against the concrete and sliding down.. Her head gazed up at the sky, tilting back against the wall while a satisfied sigh slipped slowly through her lips.

It’d been.. what? Years since she’d gotten into this shit hole, but yet.. she’d always fit in well. At least it was better than Earth.. no one owned her here. And those who attempted got a short stab from her silver dagger.

Almost as though perking at the thought, she felt the cold of the metal increase on her skin. “What do you do with a drunken whaler..~” Bandit began to sing, pausing with the occasional hiccup, her slurred words loud and barely comprehensible..

 

 

Razorbackwriter:  Heavy panting, the solid footfalls of the great wolf as it raced through the plains of Hell in search of her. The one that had escaped his clutches on Earth, Raul had come to the very gates of hell to pursue his greatest prize. Oh how she had outwitted him so many years ago, but the wounds were as fresh as the day she scratched them down his chest. Howling loudly, the wolf continued on with its senses high to smell her out. Heaven was no place for a woman like Beatrix, otherwise known as Bandit. Hell….was far too perfect and as Raul had said, he was too good for Hell. – but here he was in the wolf form. Chasing…tracking…Hunting. Blazing red eyes shone out from a sea of black fur. Yellowed fangs piercing over his muzzle as clawed feet ripped through the earth easily, as it would do into her bare flesh if he caught her. Oh…but he would catch her. He had too. Revenge – the bitter taste was too sweet a temptation for the Warlock. Even if he never returned to the land of the living on Earth, he would have what was his. A deal struck with Lucifer was his key to finding her.

 

 

Darken the city, night is a wire
Steam in the subway, earth is a afire
Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo
Woman, you want me, give me a sign
And catch my breathing even closer behind
Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo

In touch with the ground
I’m on the hunt I’m after you
Smell like I sound, I’m lost in a crowd
And I’m hungry like the wolf
Straddle the line in discord and rhyme
I’m on the hunt I’m after you
Mouth is alive with juices like wine
And I’m hungry like the wolf

Stalked in the forest, too close to hide
I’ll be upon you by the moonlight side
Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo
High blood drumming on your skin, it’s so tight
You feel my heat, I’m just a moment behind
Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo

In touch with the ground
I’m on the hunt I’m after you
A scent and a sound, I’m lost and I’m found
And I’m hungry like the wolf
Strut on a line, it’s discord and rhyme
I howl and I whine, I’m after you
Mouth is alive, all running inside
And I’m hungry like the wolf

Hungry like the wolf
Hungry like the wolf
Hungry like the wolf

Burning the ground, I break from the crowd
I’m on the hunt, I’m after you
I smell like I sound, I’m lost and I’m found
And I’m hungry like the wolf
Strut on a line, it’s discord and rhyme
I’m on the hunt, I’m after you
Mouth is alive with juices like wine
And I’m hungry like the wolf

Turning a corner into the alleyway, he skidded to a stop. Heavy breath panting -the heated breath rising from his muzzle as he picked up on her scent. Yes…high with the smell of booze. SHE WAS HERE! A rippling of change occurring as the fur started to shed, and soon a man in a black long coat and pants, with leather boots and a large ornate jewel in his lapel was standing near the scattered boxes and bins. Long black hair flowed off his shoulders. A long scar ripped down his cheek, that was left from his last confrontation with the girl, before she met her fate. This night would be different. A gloved hand reached up to finger the groove that was forged into his skin with her blade. The memory almost sweet, as he licked his lips and tasted the air.

https://i1.wp.com/9.echonetwork.net/Crap/Oh_Internet/sb01.png

“Bandit…my girl.”

Never one to ever let his slaves go, she was the one he craved….the one he desired. Raul had seen inside her mind, and peeled her open like an onion. Raul loved what he saw. With a strut he continued along the alley, as her sweet voice filled the air.

“What do you do with a drunken whaler..~”

Raul continued the lyrics as though wishing to join her in song. His words however were dark and foreboding – In no way slurred.

….Earl-eye in the morning!

 

~RB~

 

Artie:  “Way hey and up she rises~” Bandit returned to the voice, slowly moving her head to look over at the voice that continued on with her.. Immediately her grin would fade. That voice. It gave her chills down her spine, reminding her of nails scraping against a chalkboard.. How could she forget the voice that shouted words at her, that claimed her.. Immediately her hand would go to the place where he’d bitten her. Though the bite had long healed and nothing yet remained, she could still imagine it.. clear as day. Under her fingers, soft skin would greet her. Tender, still, from his very essence.. A chill ran from her spine as she remembered the tearing of her clothing, of the ripping of her dignity.. Even through her drunken state she knew this was not a favored situation to be in.. But at the same time, her flesh began to perk at his words, calling him in.. a terrible split of life.

“G-get away frommm.. me, you bastard.” The words slurred from her, though considerably less than before. Her bandanna hid her face, her expression underneath them a toothy snarl. Though the world blurred under her view, his approaching form blurred around the edges.. At this Bandit would get to her feet, taking the bottle as though a weapon and beginning to walk backwards.. “You seeeeee,” Her voice changed higher in pitch at the end of her word, to return again, “I’ve gotten rid of you in my mind.. So you can’t get me now, asshole.. You don’t.. own.. me… see, I sure showed you with my last little magic trick..” She would take her free index finger, pressing it to her own face where the scar would be on his, trailing her fingertip down it.. “But I’ve definitely.. marked you as mine..!” With this the little thief gave a grin, turning away from him and walking away further down the alley..

It took effort to keep her feet straight under her, listening to the slight scuffs of her usual silent gait.. the resounding noise of his own footsteps that seemed to be far but loud.. speedy but slow.. Oh, her ears betrayed her, her senses hindered by the wonderful drink of alcohol.. For a moment she seemed to lose her footing, stopping to lean against the wall for only a moment’s time as she recollected herself.. A groan.. “Aw.. fuck me..” She breathed the words, standing again and walking once more.. her steps were clumsy, loud.. The quiet background only made them worse.

It seemed that the cold concrete was considerably unforgiving in her search for silence, reflecting every breath.. every hiccup.. every scuff.. “What’s the man who’s too good for Hell doing in it? Haha..!” Bandit didn’t turn to look at him, raising a hand to the cloth that hid her face, tugging it down to reveal her so.. Her normally pouted lips twisted in a sadistic and drunken grin..

Through the years she had grown, her breasts a bit more shapely, her curves harder to suppress especially around her supple hips.. Her sandy hair went to her mid-back, cascading in waves but curled in a somewhat ringlet fashion at their tips.. Her eyes had become more narrow, her jaw a bit more prominent.. a more sultry look to her face, yet still the same in obvious attitude and manner..

 

Razorbackwriter:  ~Caught in a bad romance….~

The way that Bandit continued the song lyrics was comical till she realized just who her singing partner was. Not some drunken sailor from the local bar, but none other than her nemesis – her most hated enemy. The very edges of his lips twitched, before curling into a cruel and toothy smirks as he watched the grin fall away into a look of fear…Yes, he still had the ability to make her cringe and cower. Be it his voice or his scent. Either way, the long search was over and the two were about to face off. Only problem was that Bandit was ill prepared in her drunken stupor. Raul’s tongue slid from between his crimson lips and ran across the top of his lip as he watched her take her hand up to the place where he had bitten her. Oh the mark of ownership was faded but she could never erase the memory. Raul made sure of that. “Oh…you remember me.” Raul purred as she started to back up. The hair on the back of her neck was probably standing on end as his shadow now covered her – blocking out the light. Chemical changes would start to occur. Fear meeting the hot sickness of desire. “Surely you missed what we had. I have come to relight the fire of our passions.”

“G-get away frommm.. me, you bastard.”

“But…I came so far…my little bandit.” Those words, his pet name for her was said as though he sucking the air in between his teeth then exhaling with a touch of malice. Raul gripped on the edge of his right glove and tugged it on tight, while he started a long slow strut towards her. He was loving every minute of this new encounter. A long slow laugh erupted from the pit of his stomach and rippled up through his throat as he watched her back away. Bandit picked up a bottle as a weapon. That’s it? No knife this time? Was she going to try and ram the bottle into his face? He could almost taste the deliciousness of the situation. He got off on pain, or did she forget?

“I’ve gotten rid of you in my mind.. So you can’t get me now, asshole.. You don’t.. own.. me… see, I sure showed you with my last little magic trick..”

“No…no. and…No. I am STILL in your mind….I …CAN get you…and my beauty, your last magic trick left me burning with an aching need to reciprocate the same unto you.” Her actions spoke louder than words ever could. “But I’ve definitely.. marked you as mine..!”

Marked as hers? Again, Raul would let out a roar of laughter. “If that is the case, sweet little bandit…than we belong…to each other. For eternity.”

Bandit turned her back, and this was when the fun really began. Her shuffling and bold attempt to walk from him was as comical as it was pointless. He could outrun, out walk and outwit her. But this was just too much fun. Let her believe she could simply turn her back on him. The gall of her self belief she was better than him.

As she continued to walk, he stared at her rear and then wolf whistled…long and loud.

“You have filled out nicely. Such…ripe full breasts and an ass I intend to fuck hard.” Raul’s pace increased as he started after her now. His chest rising and falling, as the awakening need to claim her again was now filling his mind….and his pants.

“As for hell being too good…I decided to wallow in the same gutter as you, my sweet little bandit. I want to taste your dirty….”

 

~RB~

 

One Direction….or No Direction? Who do you prefer?

Those crazy guys, Fitzy and Wippa from Nova FM, have come up with another great parody, only this time they rustled up a few mates to help them out.  Their band name; No Direction. With the song – “What makes us really cool”  It’s so good that even One Direction were impressed.  Middle aged Aussie blokes strutting their stuff on the beach.

 

We’re insecure
And immature
We run along this beach as if we’re teenagers
I’ve got great hair
I need ‘yeah yeah’
And I’m a silk shirt wearing cuddly bear
We’re all unfit and we look anemic
But this is our present for you

Baby our jobs on the line, we have to look ahead
Australia will get sick of our shocking heads
We’re No Direction, we’re here with singles to sell
We don’t know, we don’t know we’re terrible

If only we were all 17
Unfortunately we still listen to Bon Jovi
We’re confident of success because we’re all naive
We don’t know, we don’t know we’re terrible
And that’s what makes us really cool

I’ll front a band
I’ll read your hand
And I look like a fat Russell Brand
I’ll smash a pie
I’ll touch the sky
And then we’ll all make you look into our eyes
Everyone watching this can see it
Everyone else but us

Baby, if we were wine we’d taste like cheap Moselle
If One Direction is heaven, then welcome to hell
And if we’re lucky we’ll get a run on Kochie and Mel’s
We don’t know, we don’t know we’re terrible

Apologies for what you have to see
Just think of us like the cast of an elderly Glee
We’re in the sun ‘cos were lacking in Vitamin D
We don’t know, we don’t know we’re terrible
And that’s what makes us really cool

 

Here is how One Direction reacted…

Christmas in Australia…..in 1958.

 

So much changes over time; and yet so much stays the same.  This documentary from the National Film and Sound archives shows what a traditional Christmas was like in Australia in 1958.  Beautifully preserved, it shows various versions of just how Australians celebrate and enjoy Christmas day.  From picnics at the beach, to the typical work Christmas party.  Back yard cricket and going to church Christmas morning.  Sitting down for a Christmas spread of cold meats, salads, seafood and Auntie’s famous pavlova.

 

Cheers

~RB~

Bedside manners – GS

 

 

Scene setting – New York Presbyterian Hospital

https://i2.wp.com/weill.cornell.edu/archives/images/large/P00507.jpg

co-written with VunG.

 

VunG:  After a short but intense ride to the hospital, Elissa would find herself ushered into the ER, despite her failed attempts to silently explain that she was probably not really emergency material at this point. Oh, she needed attention, but she thought that there were others that would need help more than her. Of course, she underestimated her blood loss a little and would find herself ushered in regardless of it all. And so she had to endure the embarrassment of being sent in on a stretcher despite being perfectly good enough to walk.

Surprisingly, she’d have a surgeon on her pretty quick, and within twenty minutes the operation would be underway while she laid there helpless under a local anesthetic. Someone had suggested they just put her out completely, but she assured them in writing that she was perfectly fine with just laying still while she lacked feeling in that part of her body. Within an hour the operation was done, though the doctors made sure to get her a blood pack; she didn’t realize it, but she looked pretty darn pale. Still, everything went smoothly, no extra shards and no lead poisoning that they could figure out, and while the wound was deep, it missed anything serious, so instead she was stuck with a number of rather deep stitches.

And then… she was left alone in the room in a hospital gown hooked up to an IV, waiting for and dreading the moment that the anesthetics wore off. Sighing and closing her eyes, she looked up at the ceiling and, in the isolation of the room, she couldn’t help but long for the old days. The days of being able to work with her best friends, the days of laying in her husband’s arms after a rough mission, the days when she was actually worth something rather than just one more private detective trying to eek out a living on other people’s money. For the briefest of moments she almost wished that the round had scooted itself central and down a touch… to just put an end to it all. However, she immediately banished that thought. Jamie wouldn’t have wanted her to think that way. He would want her to at least attempt to be happy… or if nothing else to keep fighting. So… guess she had to figure out a way to convince the doctors to let her out early.

 

Razorbackwriter:  The boys had arrived at the hospital about 30 minutes after Elissa would have. Having found a park for Tommy’s car, Frank and Tommy headed into the ER where they approached the main reception nurses desk. Tommy was first to get the nurses attention. “Excuse me, we are looking for von Pourtales. She should have been brought in about half an hour ago.” The nurse tapped a few keys on her keyboard, staring at the screen with horn rimmed glasses. She soon found Elissa’s entry to the ER and then was able to inform the boys of where she would end up being. “Are you her family?” Tommy and Frank stared at one another, like they were trying to decide if they should tell the truth or not. Frank, was quick to answer. “Ah yes. Got here as soon as we could.” The nurse raised an eyebrow at the shaby looking detective, while Tommy took a different tack. He stared at the nurse’s badge and then leaned on the counter.

“Nurse Cassey, is it? I could have sworn you were on the cover of last month’s edition of Cosmopolitan. Don’t tell me, you’re a part time model.” Tommy gave the nurse a wink and although the nurse was a bit wary of Tommy’s advances, she had to admit it was flattering to be mistaken for a top end model. “Hehehe, no. I’m not a model.” She was giggling like a girl in high school, and Frank coughed loudly while Tommy made eyes at the nurse. “Elissa von Pourtales?”Breaking away from Tommy’s gaze, the nurse then wrote down on a notepad which floor Elissa would be on and who her doctor was. Apparently she was going in for day surgery due to her wound and the loss of blood she sustained. Feeling guilty as sin, Frank tugged on Tommy’s sleeve. “Come on, Casanova.” Tommy blew a kiss to the nurse, who snatched it out of the air, much to the delight of her fellow nurses.

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Going up to the visitors waiting room near recovery, Frank took a seat, while Tommy went to get some vendor coffee. Neither had had any sleep, and were running on adrenalin. Frank fidgeted, picking up an old issue of House and Garden before flicking through it lazily only to be interrupted by Tommy who was coming back with a coffee for him. “Here.” Frank took the offered cup and stared at the black liquid that was being passed off as coffee. “God….I’m almost scared to drink it.” Tommy was a bit put out, but then ever witty came back with. “Well, if it makes you sick…we are in the right place.”He showed a cheesy grin to which Frank simply went ‘Ha…ha.” When Frank took a sip, it was as bad as it looked.

Another hour passed and with it many people. Patients, family, friends, nurses, orderly’s. No sign of a Doctor to speak to them about Elissa. Finally, a surgeon came out of one of the operating theaters and then approached the two men. “Are either of you here for Elissa von Pourtales?’ Frank jumped up and tossed his coffee cup in the trash. “Yes, Doctor. How is she?” The look of worry was now etched deep into his face. He could pass as family easily. The Doctor nodded slowly.“She lost a lot of blood, but the wound was clean. She is resting now. You are welcome to go in and see her.”

A wave of relief hit both Tommy and Frank, now that they heard she was going to be okay. Thanking the Surgeon, Tommy and Frank headed down to her room, where she was laying quietly and staring up at the ceiling. Lost in thought..or maybe it was the drugs.

Tommy came up one side of her, while Frank was on the other. “Hey pretty lady.” Tommy said, leaning over to kiss her forehead. Frank wanted to smack him one. “Dude….you just finished chatting up the nurse. Keep it in your pants.” It was then the two men starting arguing over Elissa, as she would be stuck in the middle of them.

 

~RB~

 

VunG:  Elissa was largely oblivious to the doctor talking outside, though it was probably just because she was about to pass out just from exhaustion and blood loss. She was pretty lucid though, at least the drugs were pretty mild stuff relatively speaking. There was no desire to have anything like whatever it was they used on her when that damn dog tore out her voice.

However, when the guys came in, she pretty quickly looked down to them, and immediately a feeble smile appeared on her face and she adjusted herself to sit up a little. She had no words to describe how happy she was to see them… and so quickly too. They must’ve come straight here after the crime scene… it… was actually kind of humbling. Tommy’s little compliment got a smile out of her, and probably should’ve made her blush, but for obvious reasons it was pretty mild… though her eyes actually went wide with surprise when he kissed her. Where in the world did that come from? Before she could even get her brain far enough into gear to respond, Frank started ribbing the guy for chatting up a nurse, and she’d roll her eyes playfully, amused that the two were already arguing again.

Those two were such children. Chuckling/coughing quietly, she slowly lifted her hand and gestured for both of them to come closer. Assuming they did so, she’d promptly plant a friendly kiss on both their cheeks. After that she smiled softly to them both cracking her neck and bringing her hands up slowly to sign a slow, ~Thank you,~ mouthing the word so that Frank could probably get the idea of what she was trying to say. Letting out a sigh, she rubbed her wounded shoulder and closed her eyes, though very obviously still aware. It felt so amazing to have people who cared about her again… hopefully this wouldn’t be a recurring situation, but the feelings brought by their interest were very welcome.

 

Razorbackwriter:  It was like a school yard tussle over the popular girl, though the girl in question was in a hospital bed and probably thinking that these two grown men were acting like eight year olds. Frank didn’t think that Tommy should be kissing Elissa since he already had a girl. Least, that is what most people thought. Tamika was more…the friend with benefits type of relationship, though Tamika would like it to be more than that. The real reason that Tommy did kiss Elissa was due to the fact he was so worried, and the relief of seeing her in recovery brought about the romantic side in him, much to Frank’s annoyance. Just as Frank was about to reach across and grab Tommy’s collar, Elissa motioned with her hand for both men to come closer. Stopping their fight they both did as asked, leaning in expectantly – only to be kissed gently each on the cheek. This had them both blush and pull back to watch her sign ~Thank you~. Frank rubbed the spot she kissed, while Tommy chuckled and said. “Now I am not going to be able to wash this side of my face.” Frank hit back immediately. “Good, we can change your name to Stinky.”

The fight now forgotten, Frank pulled up a chair while Tommy poured Elissa a glass of water from the pitcher on the side table near her bed. He set it on one of those hospital food tables and moved it close for Elissa to be able to reach. “So when do you think they will release you, Elissa?” Tommy asked, hoping to hear that it would be soon.

Frank on the other hand was still a bit down about having to hand in his gun to Isa. Sure, she promised to make sure it was proven that he was not the shooter, but it still made him feel bad. “That Commander is such a dick. Evidence was right there….right there. Now we got some gunman on the loose, while the police department are all sitting back probably jerking off to those porn pictures from Joey’s dark room.”

 

~RB~

 

RPC – Raul, the Master of Illusion for the Seven Sins series.

Raul, the Master of Illusion.

http://satyrosphilbrucato.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/demon-lover-hawt-dude.jpg

Name: Raul, the Master of Illusion.

Age: Over 2000 years

Race: Warlock.

Job: Noble. At one point Egyptian High Priest.

Personality:
Dark, bold, egotistical, dominant, Head strong, determined, standoffish.
Quote : “May darkness take you, for when I’m done, the Light will not recognize you.”— Radak Doombringer

https://i1.wp.com/media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/a2/43/f2/a243f24b8f9ac7760491893fde6df2e6.jpg

Relationship Status: Single.

Orientation: Straight

Likes: Dark magics, illusions, beautiful women, challenges, puzzles, fighting, sex, slaves, power.

Dislikes: Weakness, disloyalty.

Powers:
Summon Imp : Summon Imp is a warlock ability used to summon a controllable Imp to be your minion.
Summon Void walker : Summon Voidwalker is a Warlock ability that allows the summoning of a Voidwalker minion.
Induce dreams of terror : Whilst the target is asleep, he can enter their dreams and mess with their minds. Their worst nightmare seems to be all too real.
Levitation : Floating or hovering off the floor.
Shape shifting : Can shift into another likeness, possibly someone that the target trusts, or animals, such as wolves, and cats.
Unending breath : Unending Breath is a spell that a warlocks can cast on themselves and their allies to help them breathe underwater for 10 minutes.
Mind manipulation : Tricks the target into thinking they are in a setting other than they really are.

Weapons: Staff of Rah. : A deadly weapon that has a crystal at the top. Standing six feet in height, can be used in combat as a weapon in a melee, but also harnesses power from its surrounds. When charged it sends out a beam of red light, that blinds and immobilizes its target into a frozen state that lasts for two turns.

Strengths: Physically strong and attractive, he is persuasive with both his words and his body language. Easily tempts women to fall prey to his desires.

Limitations/Weaknesses: Puzzles, while he loves them he can’t stop investigating at his own peril.

Background: A deal with the Devil for immortality after he had watched his beloved Princess Netifi marry his rival Prince Hajib, led him into hell. But he had another reason. Bandit had sacrificed herself to help the lovers and now with a taste for vengeance he has sought to find Bandit in Hell as she never really was a candidate for Heaven.

Theme song : I put a spell on you by Marilyn Manson

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RPC – Vicomte de Valmont : for the Seven Sins series.

 

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Name: Vicomte de Valmont

Age: 932

Race: Demon of Seduction & Perversion

Job: Ambassador, Advisor and sex therapist.

Personality: Unscrupulous, lecherous, highly intelligent, vulnerable, buoyant, haunting, childish.

https://i2.wp.com/media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/0f/66/ac/0f66acafb12ff0b0446796348d496322.jpg

Relationship Status: Single

Orientation: Straight.
Character is inspired by Valmont from Dangerous Liaisons.

Likes: Women, challenges, whores, mocking superiority, enlightenment, seduction (naturally), gossip.

Dislikes: Betrayal, frigid old maids, competition from others.

Powers:
 Dream Walking
 Sleep Inducement
 Enhanced Condition or Supernatural Condition
 Enhanced Dexterity
 Enhanced Durability/Invulnerability
 Enhanced Strength
 Enslavement Kiss
 Invisibility
 Life-Force Absorption
 Kiss of Death
 Malleable Anatomy/Shapeshifting
 Mental Inducement/Mental Manipulation
 Desire Inducement
 Natural Weaponry
 Claw Retraction
 Enhanced Bite
 Prehensile Tail
 Pheromone Manipulation
 Sexual Inducement
 Subliminal Seduction/Seductive Magnetism
 Supernatural Beauty
 Wing Manifestation

Weapons: Charm, wit, silver tongue, swords, red rose.

Strengths: Hypnosis
 Illusion Manipulation

Limitations/Weaknesses:
Some incubus cannot engage in sexual intercourse with other males (even if they desire to), for fear of fatality.
 May be overpowered by Angelic Physiology or other holy powers.

Background: A playboy of his age, Vicomte de Valmont was one of the most scandalous men that roamed French society. Loved by many and hated by the tight assed mothers of the debutant virgins. He was all about conquest, how to peel back the petals of any ripe virgin and teach her shocking ways in how to please the men in their lives. An Ambassador now in Hell, he moves between the Seven Kingdoms, and helps to settle disputes, give advice on how to deal with the Princes many women from Kingdom to town, and also is known to sell secrets for a price.

https://i0.wp.com/img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120518024259/immortasvampirekingdom/images/c/ce/Animeguy.jpg
Theme song : Love me in black – Doro