When Grandma read Fifty Shades – A poem by Granddad.

The missus bought a paperback

down Shepton Mallet way.

I had a look inside her bag;

T’was Fifty shades of Grey.

Well, I just left her to it,

and at ten I went to bed.

An hour later she appeared;

the sight filled me with dread….

In her left she held a rope;

and in her right a whip!

She threw them down on the floor,

and then began to strip.

Well, Fifty years or so ago;

I might have had a peek.

But Mabel hasn’t weathered well

She’s eighty four next week.

Watching Mabel bump and grind,

could not have been much grimmer.

And then things went from bad to worse.

She toppled off her zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet;

a couple of minutes later.

She put her teeth back in and said

“I am a Dominator!”

Now if you knew our Mabel.

you’d see just why I spluttered,

I’d spent two months in traction

For the last complaint I’d uttered.

She stood there nude and naked

Bent forward just a bit

I went to hold her, sensual like

and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;

My God, what had I done?

She moaned and groaned and then shouted;

“Step on the other one!”

Well, readers.  I can’t tell no more;

’bout what occurred that day.

Suffice to say my jet black hair

turned Fifty shades of Grey.

56 thoughts on “When Grandma read Fifty Shades – A poem by Granddad.

  1. Reblogged this on hugmamma's MIND, BODY and SOUL and commented:
    Makes me wanna read the book. Not so sure about doing what it says though. Better wait until hubby starts hormone replacement therapy. Like to have him around enjoying retirement with me, rather than up in Heaven twiddling his thumbs…wishing he could go another few rounds. OOPS! Now wasn’t that naughty. Read on and you’ll see what I mean. And make sure you laugh. After all, it’s only fiction. Or is it???

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your poem is a scream. Most poetry is so staid and conservative it get lost in its own self-importance, but not yours. It’s fresh and funny. Thanks for the follow, I will reciprocate.
    PS I wrote a poem called ‘Ode on a Litter Box’ that you might find amusing (a takeoff on Keats.) We need more humor in poetry.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Razorbackwriteraus,

    This is some damn fine poetry writing! And a perfect example of what I am hoping people will add to my #howdoilovetheepoetryparty linkup event. I hope you’ll consider bringing this beauty to my party. It’s just getting off the ground now but I know everyone will enjoy reading this dirty little ditty with so much wit and stimuli we cannot help but giggle just a little to loudly!


    Liked by 1 person

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