Yes, I decided to grab my pool noodle and jump in the deep end for the Blog party! Check it out!!
Been a while since I posted a Fitzy and Wippa parody. But this one, stands alone as one of the best ones yet. Farrrrr out. ❤
I’ve been juggling a pregnant wife
She’s been leading a stressful life
Pledged to help her when we wed
It’s pretty hard from the spare bed
Sleeping with the dog again
Now we add to the family
I think of mates that I don’t see
All her questions are booby-trapped
Like ‘Do you think that I look fat?’
Morning sickness due, cramping in her knees and those stretch marks
“Don’t you touch the booze, no cold meats for me, rub my feet”
I’ve drained all our life savings
On a list of weird cravings
Banging my head on the wall
Stuck in a class of pre-natal
And now she’s emotional
Why the hell did we conceive?
Swollen ankles blue, sweating in the heat and a hairy guts
Go and get her food but don’t buy softer cheese, like what the faaaaar out
And aaaah she’s contracting now
Oh noooo her waters broke
Cos ooooh we’re speeding now to the RPA
“It hurts because of you, don’t you dare touch me, pass the gas mask”
Babe you’ve got to push, honey just breathe, here it comes
Anyone will tell you, I love Top Gear. I love this lego adaptation. ❤
Name: Esme Ramoska
Age: 19 in appearance
A witch is a man or woman who is born with the power to affect change by magical means (“Witchcraft”). While many witches are self-proclaimed Keepers of the Balance, other witches are known to work against the Balance, and use their power for personal gain.
The Balance of Nature is a spiritual belief system based around the observance of the Earth and reverence of Mother Nature. The goal of many witches is to honor the design of nature and to maintain balance within the natural world. The balance of nature is intimately tied to one’s spiritual relationship with the Earth, and the idea that all living things (e.g. animals, humans, plants, etc.) are considered sacred, as they are all different aspects of nature. Contemporary witches would also agree that using modern ceremonies, rituals and shamanic practices is the best way to attune themselves with the natural rhythms of the universe in their efforts to obtain guidance and knowledge from wiser known witches called “The Spirits”. However, it is implied that not all witches follow this belief system, and have the freewill to choose how they wish to practice their power.
Personality: Passionate, devout, gentle, calm, sensitive, intelligent.
Birthplace : Lands of Dyre
Status: Heir to the Elder Supreme – Lavinia
Alliance: Witches Circle – Dyre
Appearance: Fair haired, blue eyed though this changes with mood. Pale skin, with pink lips and light rose to her cheeks. Tall, but not overly. 5’7”, weighing in at 52 kilos. A natural beauty, who spends much time outdoors, loving nature and reading. She is currently in the middle of making her own spells, and has been working on her own grimoire for some time.
“Every spell that a witch casts is unique unto itself, so every witch would document their work.”
A Grimoire is a magic spellbook where a witch records all of her/his spells, rituals, potions, and herbs. It can be filled with information of hexes and spells. There is no original grimoire, they vary in size and contents depending on the witches who own them. Some grimoires are more valuable than others because of their content, and vary in size and content. Some are aesthetically beautiful, leather-bound, and with pages of parchment, others seem only old books with torn pages.
Channeling: The act of invoking extra forms of energy by focusing on external forces.
Potion Brewing: The act of brewing and concocting magical potions that have supernatural properties.
Spell Casting: The act of changing and controlling events through the use of incantations and more.
Immunity to Compulsion by Vampires
Divination: The act of divining future, past, and present events based off extrasensory perception.
Clairvoyance: The practice of divination through the perception of emotions, objects, people, or physical phenomena.
Empathy: The power to identify the emotional feelings of another person.
Intuition: The practice of divination through the use of instinctive knowledge.
Mediumship: The practice of communicating with the spirits of the dead.
Premonitions: The practice of divination through the observation and study of dreams.
Psychometry: The practice of divination through contact with or proximity to a certain object or person
One of the defining characteristics of a witch is their ability to cast spells; a “spell” being the word used to signify the means employed to carry out a magical action. A spell could consist of a ritual action, a set of words, a verse, or any combination of these. Many of which are archived in Grimoires. For reasons unknown, the majority of spells used by practitioners of Spirit Magic and/or Traditional Magic are spoken in an ancient language very similar to Latin. However, witches who practice other forms of magic have been known to use spells in different languages. Most used is a locator spell, that can be used if there is a sample of the person you seeks personal affects, or hair/blood. This is done with an incantation in the language of the witch, yet is different to other nationalities.
Linking spells allow witches to establish a magical bond between two or more people, connecting mind, body, soul or even life force. Blood is often used to perform linking spells as it aids in strengthening the connection between the people that are being bonded together. Unlinking spells severs that bond, voiding the connection
Curses and Hexes are powerful spells that allow witches to cause either harm or damage to fall upon a victim that commonly comes with long-lasting, slowed or delayed effects. Several are ritualistic in nature and may require physical contact with the target of the spell or with an object owned by it or a part of his/her body such as nails, hairs or blood.
The Travelers’ Curse: An extremely powerful curse, performed 2000 years ago on a coven of powerful witches known as the Travelers in order to restrict their power massively and keep them from ever settling down as a tribe by turning nature against them. The curse worked by ensuring that should the Travelers ever settle down somewhere, natural disasters would ensue.
Disbelief: The act of denying or disbelieving in one’s potential could cause a witch to inadvertently suppress their magical power.
Distraction: Any person, substance, or thing that prevents a witch from giving full attention to their spells can hinder a witch from effectively practicing witchcraft.
Fear: A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the condition or feeling of being afraid could cause a witch to involuntarily block their own powers for a short time.
Herbs: Ingestion of certain herbs can cause a witch to lose consciousness and prevent them from using magic for a undetermined amount of time. The Lobelia flower prevents concentration and the practice of magic and can be used to weaken a witch as one would weaken a vampire with Vervain.
Magic: All creatures are susceptible to the forces of witchcraft including Dark Objects, potions, spells and more.
Mortality: Based off the fact that witches are still human, they share many of the same weaknesses as non-supernatural beings (e.g. age, decapitation, disease, heart-failure, suffocation, etc.)
Overexertion: The excessive use of magic could lead to disorientation, nose bleeds, unconsciousness, and if taken to the extreme, death.
Esme’sTalisman is an ancient necklace with a pendant made out of a dragon bone. It belonged to her mother, Desmedora, and she drew power from it to protect herself from dark magic. Desmedora – a white witch was killed by someone that she never thought could harm her. It was the reason why Lavinia had cast a spell over herself to forget. Having placed it around her daughter’s neck, Esme survived the attack and is now the apprentice of Lavinia – who has just been awoken by the time piece and the Dark One’s betrayal.
Powerful witches, like Lavinia and Desemdora require an anchor to their great power or otherwise their spells go haywire. The big question is….where is Lavinia’s talisman?
Companion: Oridin – Mage
Background: Raised by her aunt, Lavinia after the mysterious death of her mother; Desmedora, Esme was treated like any apprentice that a witch might have. Though Lavinia was never unkind towards the girl, there was something that Esme could never mistake as being hidden behind those veiled eyes. A girl very in tune with nature, such as plants and animals, she was well liked by many in the Elders community and it was thought that she would make a fine Elder when the time came. Unbeknown to the young Esme, the time piece turning has awakened a darkness within her aunt – one that will never wish to see Esme rise to take her place as Supreme Elder. Perhaps her only hope lay with a girl….that shares the same colour hair…and love of family.