A place to roam..
A place that is far from home..
Valmont raised his head and squinted, as though trying to understand why the driver was going so damn fast.
“Did you hire this clod?” Valmont muttered as he tipped back and forth like a puppet on a string.
Dark shadows loomed over the carriage as it spirited along at top speed. Darker and darker it became as this was now anything but a pleasant ride.
The carriage wheel on the right at the back hit a jagged rock and the horses stumbled as the carriage came to an abrupt stop. Valmont was thrown forward and landed right on top of Nicholas.
It was a peaceful night, at least it was for now. The journey would probably take some time but, it’d move quick if needed be. Nicholas himself would of traveled on foot, he was rather fast but, this works too. Of course knowing Valmont’s ways he’d want to do it like this, it was more like him then to be quick into action on this. He could tell that he had calmed and he was glad, it was something he noticed when he was around him. Thinking back on the relationship, it was a funny one and unique, he’d known stuff others hadn’t. Granted, some was guy stuff that he shouldn’t of heard, cause of what he was. At first it had bothered him but, he got use to it over time, he was part guy after all so, it was natural. Looking out the window he sigh a bit and watched how it had gotten darker over time and the ride now moving rather fast and violently, seeing as he held on to the rail now.
“I’m…fine, I think.” It was like he was having trouble responding, given the conflicting signals he was getting. Seeing Nicholas like this…feeling his body beneath him, should not arouse Valmont in the slightest, but….he was starting to feel it. Like Nicholas was giving off pheromones, but was that even possible?
Valmont went to try and prop himself up, but as he did his hips brushed against Nicholas’s a little firmer than before. A gasp escaped Valmont’s mouth, that he was almost shocked at himself for doing. His hardness was growing and now sure to be felt by his young assistant.
“Nicholas…..forgive me. I don’t know what has come over me.” As the assistant was trying to regain his composure, Valmont seemed to be losing his. He just found himself staring into Nicholas’s eyes……and then….
….he kissed him.
The staring continued as he realized their hips were together, something squeezed in his stomach. Oh god.. he probably figured it out. If Nicholas was indeed a guy, Valmont would feel something their but, he didn’t. Anxiety ran through his body as he was a bit surprised. He truly wondered what the man was thinking at this moment, would he be thinking horrid comments about him? He wasn’t but, Nicholas wasn’t sure, he didn’t even know if he realized what happened. Hearing his words, he pondered on it, he thinks? What should that mean? I can’t figure it out but, he could feel Valmont’s body reacting towards his own. Feeling him try to prop himself up, he’d only felt the hardness from him slip firmer against his hips. Now, this was something Nicholas didn’t expect, this was indeed arousing him down there as well, he could feel a bit of liquid and instantly he panicked a bit. ” Oh god.. no no, why is it doing this now?!” He thought and knew that his lower part was not cooperating with him at all now.
” It’s uh, okay Valmon-“ He had tried to finish but, something shocking happened. He was feelings the lips of the person above him on his own.
On instinct it would of been wise to back away or simply push him off but, he didn’t. For a moment he let it sink in, him not realizing that he was kissing him back now. The other surprise was that his own hips had moved on there own up against his own and his growth. This was entirely all new sensations to Nicholas, he’d never had sex with someone or done something like this. He’d reject all the girls away because, of what he was. After a couple of moments Nicholas came to his sense and pulled his lips from Val’s. His chest was breathing up and down hard, as he stared at him for a couple of seconds. Finally to get rid of the silence he started speaking.
” I guess you figured it out, huh. I’m not a guy.. well not completely at least. As you can feel, my other half is of a woman. A birth defect from my parents, it wasn’t known but, it was rare in cases. As much as I dislike it, this is something I didn’t want to tell you. For, I was afraid of what you’d think of me.” He said taking a breath to himself.
If Valmont hadn’t known what Nicholas had been hiding, he did now. He had let the cat out of the bag on this, something he didn’t tell many, or none at all. This was truly a embarrassing moment for him, as he couldn’t dare to look him in the eyes for what he would think. Nicholas had stayed where he was and turned his head, his cheek against the floor and his eyes staring at the wall, his hair falling over the side of his face.
As much as I dislike it, this is something I didn’t want to tell you. For, I was afraid of what you’d think of me.” There it was. Nicholas was afraid that Valmont would not be accepting. Perhaps Nicholas was too quick to judge him. While Nicholas got his breath, there was a knock at the carriage door.
“My Lord, Sir….the wheel’s broken. You’re going to have to take the horses if you want to go further. This carriage ain’t going nowhere.”
Talk about saved by the bell, or rather the crazy driver. Valmont got up off Nicholas, who was now looking away, his cheeks still aflame. Getting his composure, the ambassador then opened the door. He glanced back once at his assistant, and then stepped down out of the carriage. It was not that he didn’t want to say something poignant at that time, he just couldn’t. Closing the door, he went to inspect the wheel. Blasted thing, the rock really did a number on it. There was nothing left for them to do, but take two horses, and the driver would have to take one himself to go back to the Embassy. The Ambassador stood with his hands on his hips. They still had a quest to find Bandit, but now he was travelling with what he knew now was not a man. Not…a real man. Pausing a moment, he knew he could send Nicholas back, since the road ahead would be filled with all sorts of dangers. Did he really want to put Nicholas through all that? The driver waited for a word of acknowledgement. Finally, Valmont dragged his fingers back through his now disheveled locks, that came from being thrown about in the carriage.
“Take a horse, and ride back to the Embassy. Make sure you lock up the carriage first. I’ll go on with Nicholas.” The Ambassador spoke with a strangely deep tone. Maybe he was questioning his own sexuality. Trying to prove to himself that he was not having gay feelings for Nicholas.
The Driver bowed and then started to unhook the horses from the carriage, while Valmont walked back to the carriage. He paused at the door, taking a deep…long breath before opening it.
“Get your things, we are going on on horseback.’ Turning away, he went to the back to get his bag and get it ready for his mount.
Remorse was one of the many words Nicholas was feeling at this very moment. It was all so quick and confusing, why had it happened. Hearing the comment, he knew now that Valmont officially knew what Nicholas was and he wasn’t sure whether he was weird-ed out by it or other things. It was to quiet and he thought it was going to get really awkward, until the driver started speaking and Valmont had gotten off of him. A bit of relief ran through him once the door shut, he didn’t get up just at that moment yet. Listening to the conversation outside, Nicholas couldn’t tell what Valmont was thinking at this moment. Getting up he had stood and looked at the opposite side of the wall. Hearing Val speak of them going on horseback and shutting the door he bit his lip some.
The Dark Wood.
By the time that Nicholas had alighted from the carriage, Valmont was already walking towards one of the horses that had been readied for him by the driver. It was hard to tell how Valmont was feeling about the situation. All he knew was that he didn’t want to get into it in front of the driver, who was now set with the task of locking up the carriage, before setting off back for the Embassy with a spare horse in tow. The carriage would be taken back at a later date, but for now, the Ambassador and his assistant were to go on alone and under the circumstances that was probably the wisest idea. Each time Valmont raised his head to look across at Nicholas, it was clear that the assistant was trying to avoid his gaze. This put an air of discomfort between them, that never existed before. Valmont had always found Nicholas’s company to be good, never in his wildest dreams did he suspect what was really going on, right under his nose.
When Nicholas had his horse ready and he had gotten into the saddle. he said. ” I’m ready to go whenever you are.” His tone was back to the normal pitch, and by the looks of things, the lad had managed to get himself together. Pity Valmont was not as ready. Instead of replying, he offered a curt nod, though you could see that he was still troubled. Valmont hated having things left unsaid, especially with what happened. It wasn’t a case of if he was going to say something, but more like when.
The sound of the carriage being locked up was heard, as the driver gave the door one last bang with his hand, as though to reassure himself it was locked tight.
Taking the reigns of his lead horse, he tipped his hat at the pair – Valmont having mounted his horse in that time. “Hope you find what you are looking for, My Lord….Sir.” He addressed both of them, before leading the two horses away. This left Nicholas now alone with the Ambassador. Slowly, Valmont turned the horse he was on around in the opposite direction to that where the driver was heading.
“We need to get going. It’s about twenty miles to the next inn.” Giving his horse a good kick in the flanks, the Ambassador started off, riding off with his coat tails flapping behind him. Valmont was a natural on horseback, and it showed. Galloping away, Nicholas was going to have to get a move on to keep up. As before the dark shadows that had followed the carriage, appeared to now be following the pair as they sped along the dirt road. The trees blocked out much of the natural light, which made it easy for highway men and thieves to hide.
After riding hard for a good twenty minutes, Valmont finally pulled his horse up. The horse brayed and protested, as it pawed the ground in protest. Snorting angrily, much like its rider. As Nicholas approached he would see the look on Valmont’s face. He had managed to get far enough away so that no one would hear them. When Nicholas came close enough to stop, Valmont sung out to him.
“You should have told me, Nicholas.”
Was it the fact that he was angry for being kept in the dark, or was it because he actually enjoyed kissing his assistant, and he felt guilty as sin? Valmont dismounted his horse and then stood there, pointing for Nicholas to do the same.
“I am trying to understand these….feelings.” You could see he was agitated, and wanted answers.
Discomfort was now in the air between the two men, he could tell Valmont was looking over at him time to time. It made him angry that he couldn’t simply look back at him. Hearing the bang and the driver talking, he’d give a nod as he departed. Hearing the other horse move, Nicholas did the same. About 20 minutes and they’d be in an inn, would they be staying there? It kinda of made him wonder on it. Once galloping, he had done the same, keeping speed and slightly kicking the side. This in turns made the horse gallop quick stay at pace behind Valmont. The wind felt nice blowing through his hair and it everywhere, it made him more comfort of being in the dark and unseen. Hearing Val’s horse stop, I’d look up now seeing Valmont’s face because, he had stopped right in front of him. So many things crossed his mind, and Nicholas knew they were going to talk. Hearing his first statement, he sigh and sat there for a second, getting off now.
” I would of told you but, I had reasons for not doing so.” He responded and turned fully, both men weren’t that far from each other, his gaze at the ground.
It was silent for a good two minutes, Nicholas couldn’t look but, he had to. It was time he let everything he’d been holding in out and put it in the clear. Whether it’d be a good thing or not, he wasn’t sure but, he had to. Finally he removed his glasses and put them in his pocket, moving his head and staring up at Val’s face. His grey eyes looked into his own and many emotions were seen in them. Sadness, hurt, remorse, pain and.. love, along with confusion.
” There were rules set back in where I came from. One of them pertained to not doing something that combined the two genders. Granted, I didn’t know about it but, my parents decided to do it. This is how I ended up like I am. I did not choose to live this life but, I had to. I mean look at it this way Val, I am practically a girl, with out breasts. An abomination to my people and to hell, even though it was hidden.” He said and breathed in and out quietly, taking breaths.
He had said a lot in that and hopefully that had answered a couple of the questions. His hands went down to his side as slid them into his pocket for a moment. He was trying to gather the words to say what he was going to do next. Finally he parted his lips and started speaking again.
” I’ve lost someone close to me before, because they had found out. This had hurt very much, she was a good friend and I lost it all because, she’d seen me. This, this is why I’ve kept it hidden from you. I’m rather happy and content living where I have been for the past couple of years and working for you. I’ve never once lied or kept anything hidden from you Valmont, I’ve always been open and told you every single little detail but, this was just the one thing I couldn’t but, now you know of it.” A long pause was done after that.
Silence filled again for a minute as he didn’t know how well this would go. But, Nicholas walked just a couple of feet to stand in front of the tall Valmont and looked up at him. It was unsure of his attentions but, it was going to happen. Nicholas hadn’t realized what he was saying just now.
” I’ve lost many chances and experiences in life, because of all this. But, I know one thing for sure, what happened no more then 20 minutes ago, I enjoyed it, I don’t know why though. Be it sinning or guilty, I couldn’t help it, I did. Maybe it’s because I’m half girl but, I doubt it.” Nicholas said breathless and the look on his face held confusion and distress, this was one of the sides Valmont had yet to see of him. He himself was trying to calm himself down but, it wasn’t working completely as he just stared up at the man, hoping this cleared it all up.
The Dark Wood
” I would of told you but, I had reasons for not doing so.”
That was Nicholas’s first response to Valmont’s series of questions. There was this tension between them now, and it was so thick that you could cut it with a knife. Valmont had always liked and appreciated Nicholas and put off the feelings he had as being more like, a close friendship, a kinship. They always had a good laugh about things privately, and publicly they were a solid force. But never had they been so close to each other that they were actually touching – body to body. It was when this happened that Valmont felt that connection and it made him aroused beyond belief. Only a woman could to that, but he always thought that Nicholas was a man.
“You had your reasons. Didn’t you think I could handle such knowledge? “ Valmont’s reaction was more defensive if anything. “I thought we had no secrets. Damn, I told you everything about me. Warts and all. You know perfectly well what I am, Nic.” There was a change. The fact that Val called him Nic and not Nicholas. Nic was more an affectionate term, though Valmont didn’t correct it.
Valmont towered over Nicholas, staring down at him. Waiting for him to get the courage to look up into his silver eyes. When he did there was so much conflict in his emotions. The poor guy. This was the one secret that Nicholas thought that Valmont wouldn’t be able to handle. It was just such a shock, the way he found out, and his reaction. As Nicholas started to explain, he told the history of his family and what his parents had done. Nicholas never chose this and had to live with the consequences. That was why he had kept the whole thing under wraps. As he put it, he was a girl – just without breasts. Valmont raised his head and stared straight ahead. So that was why he reacted the way he did. Valmont was attracted to this feminine side. That was a natural act, but it still didn’t make it right.
” I’ve lost someone close to me before, because they had found out. This had hurt very much, she was a good friend and I lost it all because, she’d seen me. This, this is why I’ve kept it hidden from you. I’m rather happy and content living where I have been for the past couple of years and working for you. I’ve never once lied or kept anything hidden from you Valmont, I’ve always been open and told you every single little detail but, this was just the one thing I couldn’t but, now you know of it.”
The words poured out like a torrent. The dam walls bursting as the years of pent up frustration and sadness, the loss and the knowledge it could cost Nicholas everything in this life at the Embassy was the reason for his silence as to what he was. Maybe he found a renewed confidence in speaking now, since the cat was out of the bag. But he moved closer to Valmont. The truth of what he felt when they had been in the carriage….the way he felt about the kiss. He enjoyed it. Nicholas waited breathlessly, staring up at Valmont – so confused and distressed. Valmont was also struggling with his mixed emotions. He brought his hand up, just holding it there. It was not like he was going to punch the guy…he’d never do that. But he couldn’t help this one feeling. As much as he hated to admit it. There was only one thing he could do.
Valmont brought his arms around Nicholas, and pulled him into a tight embrace. His chin resting on the top of Nicholas’s head, as he stroked his back. “I wished you’d told me sooner.” Valmont said softly. His adam’s apple sliding up and down as he frowned. “I was the one…that kissed you.” The ambassador didn’t want Nicholas to feel the guilt anymore. “I ….almost…” He was struggling to say what that kiss did for him. “Nicholas, forgive me.” He brushed Nicholas’s hair back so that the young man would look up at him.
“I wanted you….that way.”
He wasn’t rejecting him because of what he was, he just didn’t understand why he felt the way he did.